Growing up in a home where laziness was not acceptable and anything that needed to be done if you didn’t hop right on it, well then, that was laziness.

Disconnect to reconnect. Recently I have been involved with coaching for burn out recovery. In this process I have learned a lot about myself and my perception of things that I had not realized or was just completely ignorant to. Disconnecting is now vital for my well being and sanity. I was unaware that clinical burnout is a thing.

Burnout is far more than just needing to take a day off and regroup. It necessitates a complete overhaul in my thinking.

Perhaps work and business has been an escape from dealing with life. Not just since my son’s death but perhaps since child hood. Everyone has their way of dealing with life..both the good and the bad..just surviving it on some days. I have retreated into work the last year more than ever. Whether it’s the actual paying job or daily household care…I can make it a job..my job. Disconnecting has not been an option. When one disconnects…one thinks…scary place at times that thinking.

My coach has gently reminded me that even God took a day of rest after creation. I will now protect one of my days off with a vengeance. My mental health is now demanding it. God has graciously been showing me daily in my quiet time many verses on rest. No coincidence those are the verses I just happen to open up each day.

For many of us, I am sure, disconnecting is not easy. Whether an executive that many depend on, to the mom at home whose children depend on her…stopping to reconnect with our very soul…is not only difficult but feels impossible. Our souls yearn for it. Our bodies and minds must have it to survive.

I have spoken to the urgency to stop and just be for years…so in the upcoming months I am actually going to put “breathing” and “being” on my list with the work of recovering myself. Take time today to check in with yourself and see where you might find a resting spot for your body, mind and spirit. Don’t wait for burnout to hit…be like Nike, just do it! Do it for yourself and all those you love or interact with.

I am not clinically burned out yet but every warning sign is there blaring its red lights and horn! Don’t wait for those sirens and all it can lead to …not just mental but the physical issues that will ensue as well..stop and breathe a few days. Retreat, regroup and reconnect.

Sending…peace, love and light your way …Namaste 🪷🪷🪷

God has this way of saying, “Just sit down, please, stop talking and just listen to me”. The past 10 days of meds for this respiratory junk has been a slam dunk of “Stop it, be still and hear me”! Takes a while for my forward motion to come to a halt…but halt it has…

Sitting here in my cozy chair in the still morning quiet, coffee in hand, working on the racing thoughts, but mostly this week trying to quell the nausea of icky meds, He reminded me of a scene over 20 years ago..and it resonated.

I had 2 very hyper, headstrong but sweet Jack Russell Terriers. I lived on a farm property of the DNR here in Maryland. These pups would take off in a flash and you could NOT catch them or even get close to them hearing you calling them. For some reason as they darted off into the woods I found that if I honked my horn they came running back. Fast forward a couple of years and I arrived at my then boyfriend’s home, Beringer, yanked his lead from my hand and took off. He was free to dash on his own accord, not knowing all the danger of that areas horribly busy streets and a train track that was also busy. I quickly stuck the other dog inside and got help in tracking this errant pup. Hours of searching and calling to no avail. He was so lost, I was terrified for him. After searching over 2 hours, I thought of the horn…up and down the streets, just honking and listening. I finally heard a faint bark down a side field near the tracks. In his excitement of breaking free, dragging a retractable leash behind him, he had run into a very thick mass of sticker bushes. Continuing is his new found freedom from the control of my loving hand he had wound himself around and around in these long sharp stickers and could no longer move. So there he sat, shaking and scared…he had been so intent on his own way that it had almost cost him his life.

Sound familiar…so intent on our own agendas and doing things our way. We jerk loose from God’s loving, life giving hand and take off on our own. On our own not understanding the dangers all around us. How everything seems right to us until we have wound ourselves so tightly in the long briars that we can longer move. We hear Him calling but are afraid of the repercussions awaiting …then we are just stuck til we finally cry out, “please find me and help me get back to your care and protection “.

Those briars can get tight and hurt! Freedom. Yes, freedom has a cost. On this journey of life it is good to find our freedom in our loving Father’s hand, under His wings of love, care and direction to keep us on track and at peace!

My prayer for myself and all of you taking a moment to read this is for us to protect ourselves, from ourselves, and rest in the hand that created us😊

Much love to you as you stop and listen for just a heartbeat today ❤️

Something about not feeling well a few days gives me moments to actually think about anything other than work or what I “ need” to be doing. Yes, it’s all piling up but just don’t feel well enough to do any of it. So, I lie here wondering about it all.

A sweet friend from high school days just messaged me a lovely poem about, “Bits and Pieces”. What an encouraging note, but she is definitely one who encourages people. She has also reminded me that my little blog has encouraged her. Thank you so much for letting me know it does touch those who need to hear a word here and there.

Work and life have been extremely stressful, or should I just say more stressful, the last few months. Having to unexpectedly move and adjust space issues, feeling alone and frustrated, work numbers are too low, where do I fit in the chaos, you know…life…

Since God has chosen to slam my brakes on for the last 4 days…thus insued the “wondering”. We know there are no coincidences so off went my Monkey Mind. Do I change jobs or my career? I love designing to my core but maybe He is ready for me to move on to just my art. Not quite sure that will pay the rent or am I not trusting my abilities?? Or more so Gods?? I do know my 2 plus hours of driving to and from work is tedious. But then I get there and remember why I do it…. I love what I do!!

There I am …back to work thinking…🤦‍♀️

Life is so much more..I shared with her that I have spent, or wasted, far too much of my life searching rather than “being”. Why is being really present so very difficult!!! When I stop and enjoy this view that God has blessed me with for 5 years it’s merely moments before the mind zooms back to all I NEED to be doing…it’s quite annoying that I cannot turn that button to mute for more than a few seconds.

Beach-Zen was created, after losing my son, to help others, myself being the impetus, to STOP and JUST BE… that place of Zen in your soul that longs for us to breathe in God’s majestic beauty…even in our chaos…it IS there..but we have to chose to hit that MUTE button to see and hear it..it IS a choice. Life is short…

Don’t wait for God to hit that mute button for you to get you to stop. Take a few minutes today and everyday to breathe in the moments..life will still be there with all its ups and downs….those few minutes won’t make any difference there…just DO it….just bits and pieces…a bit of a pause and pieces of your soul will fill with God’s wonders.

Here’s to hitting MUTE today. Life will still be waiting when you hit resume, I promise. ❤️

Love you sweet friends 🪷🪷🪷 thank you for those “bits and pieces” of all of you that continue to create who I am😘

As I watched the river’s waters rise this morning I felt a pang of uneasiness begin to grip me. Flood waters have unnerved me as far back as I can remember. As a child, in Arkansas, I lived in an area that flooded fairly frequently. The National Guard rescued us from high school during a flood. I lived in New Orleans as a young adult and waded chest deep waters to get to my apartment and never once considered the alligators or snakes that could have been present. We do what we have to do at the moment to survive.

So much of life is like those flood waters. It can sneak up gradually or rise quickly as in a hurricane. We can choose to react in fear, wade through blindly, wait for someone to rescue us or simply step back and choose to watch and see where the waters go. We have no power to stop the tumultuous waters from rising or the power to stop much of what happens in our lives as others can dictate what we have to endure for a time. What we can do, however is make a decision that they will make us stronger or collapse in fear and give up.

Some days we may feel stronger and some days feel resigned to what is the point of going on or even caring,

Tonight, the river waters have receded but my heart is now choosing whether there is a point to the chaos and storms…to ride things out and see how they play out…or just give up.

I am tired! This journey of life can be overwhelmingly exhausting. Time to take a break❤️

Five years ago I sat in this same spot waiting for a biopsy then as today. Those five years have zipped by quickly. Hopefully this biopsy does not come back with the same cancer results.

So much of our lives are spent waiting. Traffic, bank lines, grocery store lines, medical tests, test results. We wait some days more patiently than others. Today I wait in silence pondering the what ifs…either way…one more step….one more breath…one more heartbeat.

The next time you find yourself waiting take a beat to just breathe. Enjoy the moment of stopping for what ever the reason. Slow down, breathe, find a content moment in the waiting.

And so I wait…..🌻

🪷🪷🪷

It has taken me a couple of days to process that I watched the bridge I have traversed daily, a few miles from my home, look like toothpicks crumbling down. A movie or video game not reality. I could not be seeing what I was seeing. Flash back to 9-11 and unreality of the site unfolding. The helicopters woke me at 3:00 AM and I just thought they were looking for someone and I couldn’t remember if I locked my door. We lock our doors and cars to feel somehow safer but we never know what the next hour will bring. No, safety is never guaranteed in this life.

All those morning crossings and the sun glittering out toward the bay making the water sparkle. All the evening crossings watching sunsets over the city skyline in the distance. I never crossed without appreciating the beauty over the water . It was also unnerving when one of those huge ships was passing under at the same time. Always the thought of how can they navigate such a huge thing through such a small opening. Just last week as I approached, a cruise ship was heading out and it caused a shiver up my spine it was so close and at the same location of this crash. I honestly did not see how it even fit under the span … it looked like I could touch it.

As I navigated home yesterday approaching the Baltimore harbor tunnel I looked east toward where the Key Bridge once was on the horizon. Now there are 2 approaches to a large gaping void. Very eerie especially with the huge ship still entangled in the wreckage of steel.

How quickly life changes. The chaos of commuters daily trying to figure out the best way around the waterways and unsure of the new norm in traffic patterns. Much like life with the loss of a loved one. The ensuing chaos trying to figure out the new norm.

I shared with my granddaughter in this morning’s text how these moments make you stop and put life in perspective. It’s short don’t waste a second of it. At least 6 families are now grieving the loss of a family member in this collapsing bridge tragedy. They now learn to navigate a new norm. You somehow learn to navigate it but never really find that same syncing with your life in the aftermath of such loss. There are those moments when life is humming along and suddenly in a flash it cones tumbling down into unrecognizable rubbish.

I admit I have felt a bit lost again and uncertain of things. One thing it has caused is another deep soul searching. A realignment of body and soul…path checking and course correcting.

If life and your path is not fulfilling or bringing joy…correct the path…life is indeed short..live it like it’s your last day always. Life’s journey can be unsettling but sometimes these shake ups can definitely be a wake up call to find our true north. Check your compass sweet friends and be sure it’s pointing you in the direction you want to travel. ❤️

I peeked through the draperies to see if it was sunny a few minutes ago.The snow on the ground was orange. I hurriedly grabbed my phone and ran to the kitchen to see the sunrise over the water. It was breathtaking! The snow back there was pink. Still barefoot I quickly stepped a little ways out onto the deck because I knew if I took the time to go get shoes it would be gone. Barefoot in 20 degrees on snow was intense but I got most of it. Had I stepped a bit farther the whole sun could have been caught. As it was I missed the most vivid color because my door was frozen shut. if I had just stepped out a bit farther…….

Life is so much like that. Fear of just stepping out. It’s too hard. I could fail, what’s the point. I’m not good enough. How can I do that? It’s too cold and I’m barefoot….. and you would miss it..something of such beautiful magnitude …and it was missed…because you were afraid…or you stopped to “go grab your shoes “, and the moment was lost. I wonder how many opportunities I have missed in life because, “I went to grab my shoes”, overthinking that I need to do this or that before I could do it? The moments to, step out and grab it, were simply lost…life moved on when I wasn’t looking…when i was, “thinking it through”…there are times when we need to just step out and do it…

On your life’s journey keep your eyes alert for the seconds of stunning beauty around you…step out barefoot because you might miss something extraordinary if you, “go grab your shoes “. ❤️

There’s something about the dying and death of those close to us, either now or in our past. I’ve sat and pondered what I would say to them. So many many thoughts race through my mind. Even to those who have hurt us deeply there is a sense of deep connection that needs to be set right. That passage of our hearts time spent with them that needs to speak. It doesn’t really matter if they want to hear from us or not…our hearts healing that depends on us and our emotional well being needs to be spoken…even if just out loud to ourselves.

Forgiveness…for them…for ourselves..for wrongs that were real or perceived …that unspoken space that needs to be crossed…crossed and dealt with on a multitude of levels. I have been crossing that space the last month in dealing with inner work to heal. Our hearts healing depends on forgiveness.

I just shared with one of my daughters that the forgiving of myself is by far the hardest of all. Coming to terms with yes, I did the best I could with what I had to give.

We beat ourselves up far too easily for so many things. It’s definitely a work in progress. But today I have chosen to forgive. To forgive…let go…move on where possible…to be..to breathe…to just be.

If there is someone that needs to be released by your forgiveness today…do it…if you need to tell them…do it…if they are gone….sit quietly and release them with the gift of forgiveness…for them but mostly for you. Don’t let that small ache inside you grow another day. Let. It. Go.

Sending you love and light this afternoon. This journey called life is beautiful..even in the hard places…we learn and love and live…it is all beautiful. Much love dear friends.❤️ Namaste🪷

As I am sitting on a train at Penn Station in NYC, waiting to travel further north, I can’t help but wonder at the activity that is whirling around all above me.

Years of coming to the city to see the lights at Rockefeller Center and all the holiday hot spots were breathtaking and just plain fun in the cold crisp air of December. Remembering those years before life changed. The year my son actually came up here and was not a fan of the pulsing city life that seemed to overwhelm him with all the crowds and chaos. I’m still glad he he got to experience the city even though he never wanted to come back.

New York is quite the experience for us all. Being the eternal energizer bunny, I thrive in this symphony of sounds, scents and ever moving throngs of people. My energy is finally met here and matched. One of the few places on earth nobody is telling me to speak more slowly or to calm down. Yes, it suites me. Don’t get me wrong, I love sitting by my ocean and rivers just breathing that in as well. There is something about this city that speaks to my restless heart and I come alive here.

Even in the maddening masses though, there can be a sense of calm. The “zen” of the city so to speak. No matter where you live or visit you can find your center, your source. Whether, like my son, you prefer a slower pace or like my ongoing never ending motion, the energy of the city. Either way take a beat and be present wherever you land.

It’s in those ah-ha moments that you suddenly see life and the living while remembering the past moments that are filed away in your heart forever.

This holiday season remember those treasured times from your past but don’t forget to live as well.

And the train is moving on as is life. Live it, breathe it, remember it. Above all, be present.

Namaste and happy holidays my friends ❤️🪷

I miss your laughter

Your funny voices and faces

The way you teased your sisters

The way you said,”I love you mom “

Those great bear hugs

Your piercing blue eyes

Holding you when you were sad

The calm in you when you were on the water

Your face when you looked at your sweet daughter

Your hot head when you thought someone had hurt me

Your empathy when anyone was hurting

Your need to be truly heard

Your amazing heart

The way you fussed when it was too far to drive to my house

The way you sang from your soul

Your love of music

How you loved and cared about your friends

Even the ever irritating 👍

How even now you communicate that to me

My heart aches for you

There is no air on this Thanksgiving as I sit alone remembering …so very broken

I know you are in a perfect place but this mother’s heart will never mend this side of heaven

Endless endless tears few can really understand

The audible crack in my world the day you left it still reverberating

No one can heal this…I just endure

Always watching for the blue orbs and your👍

I know you are here

I love you son