The tears no one sees

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As I sit looking out on the misty river this morning the tears are relentless. Thanksgiving week is by far the hardest along with the black month of March. He sat and laughed and joked with me while I cooked for so many years. Tears those days were breathtaking and side splitting! Few have ever made me laugh the way he did. I never dreamed there would be a day on this earth without him to send me into hysterical laughter💔. We never fathom that our children will not be here. Some things time does NOT heal!

Being a waterman he would love my new home. I can’t look out on the river and not think about how much he would enjoy this access. The dark places in my heart are only brightened by the glimmers that he is somehow here watching and smiling on us. Not knowing for sure that it’s possible I hang on to the belief that it is. I’m pretty sure that everyone who has lost a loved one feels this way. That there’s moments when we feel them so strongly that it must be a part of their essence here with us. Friends tire of us talking about them but it doesn’t stop our need to express our hearts. It somehow makes them be alive, at least for a small moment, to say their name and really feel them near!

This journey of life is brutal at times remembering what is lost. Trying valiantly to move toward happiness and remembering the funny amazing man my son was, and still is, in my heart and soul. Forever missed I love you buddy. Somehow I know you are here with me on this misty chilly morning.

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Published by reflectionsonlifesjourneys

My profession is an Interior Designer and Artist. My passion is my family and friends of whom without…life would hold zero meaning! Growing up in a small southern town life was definitely sheltered from the outside world. As an adult I very quickly began to understand that life’s journey is complicated and not always pleasant. These are the ponderings of my heart since the loss of my sweet son, Jonathan. Sometimes deep and sometimes very dark they are from my soul’s depths to somehow let others know they are not alone in the dark nights of the soul. These are the reflections on my life’s journey. Prayerfully I hope they help any hurting heart.

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2 thoughts on “The tears no one sees”

  1. Beautifully written and poignantly expressed. While our memories are often accompanied with pain, we can not imagine the pain of NOT remembering. I often think the pain of remembering is, in reality, our fear of forgetting. Reminisce, journal, tell his story. Write down every memory you desire to keep. Some will be beacons for all to see and hear about. Others will be quiet, private moments to be cherished and held close. It is your calling to remember, and you do it well.

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