The ocean..a lake…a river…a swimming pool and yes even a fountain sitting in my kitchen…all of these make my soul explode with gratitude. 🥰

Recently I visited my sister who has a nice pool. It was completely beyond my comprehension she never uses it. I couldn’t get into fast enough. I gravitated to that pool and her covered patio the entire visit. Her response made me stop a beat as I had never actually thought about it. “Do you need to be outside all the time?” Yes, yes I do. Never having even considered that before it made me incubate the idea more thoroughly.

There are, I presume, a lot of us who being outside and in or near a water source is such a normal way of life it’s like breathing. We just do it without thought.

A small book was at a place on the beach I stayed years back called, “Water Women“. Intriguing little read but how I resonated with it. I am a water woman through and through. As an aside, a thought provoking meme recently, “what do you do when you go to the beach?” I goooo to the beach…nothing else just park myself on that beach…is that even a question 🤔🏖

Grateful for the blessing of my rental here on the river, I never take a moment for granted with the calmness and serenity it brings to my life. Breathing, yes it’s like breathing for me….it’s my life blood…my life line …my soul…

To all my water people out there..where ever you find yourself today,..I hope it’s by any water and you are breathing it in…nourishing your soul and core being …being who you are…a water person. Do you…just be…

I can’t imagine life’s journey being away from the water….and pray I never again have to ☺️

Love to all you friends…glad you have joined my journey ❤️❤️🪷🏖😎

Two roads diverged in the woods and I took the one less traveled and that has made all the difference…

Robert Frost

My favorite poem of Frost. Always, it seems anyway, I have taken the less traveled road. When I attempt the more traveled…the caged lioness appears without warning. Not being sure when she will rear her head I do know with absolute certainty…she will!!

As I’m sitting here on my wonderfully cool breezy dock this evening…I finally can practice what I earnestly preach…just be…breathe…

A particularly stress filled day of running endlessly and without much success in what needed to be accomplished…I shared with my business partner just in the last hour how horribly frustrated I was…frustrated is not exactly where I was..my comment I made Godzilla look like a gecko..was more on point. Nobody seemed to be doing what they needed to be doing today…everywhere I turned the ball was dropped…leaving me in a seriously agitated state.

Perfection…that dastardly word…yet my lot in life…reared it’s ugly head. Drivers pulling out in front of me without a glance, clients running me ragged without follow through, vendors not doing their jobs…stores with messed up inventory on their sites causing needless hours of driving…it was endless. By the time I arrived home I was in such a state I could barely breathe. Thank heavens my business partner has a calm head and just dealt with my barrage of spewing explicatives.

Out to the dock I came, feeling like the most misput, misunderstood person on the planet…honestly speaking…I was pissed off at the world and everyone all around me was to blame!!! How’s that for my Zen/Namaste points???🙄

Then…the water lapping…the cool breeze…the fading sunlight…summer evening sounds with my gentle cooing doves…ahhhh yes…my own words…just be…breathe…. (A bit of wine thrown in for good measure 😉) that road less traveled suddenly made sense again…

Perfectionism has no room in creativity…calm…that zen place of really breathing…

Yes tonight I will pick up my brushes and paint but not with urgency or perfectionism as the goal but to breathe into my God given creative being…

For this moment I will take a few more moments out to indeed breathe on my road less traveled. Perfection in this sky definitely…perfection in me..not needed….

This journey of life wasn’t meant to be perfect but just ours…on our own roads…whether heavily traveled or the winding path through the woods…it is ours alone to choose…to decide…to live ❤️❤️❤️

But you be the chooser not the chooseee!!!🫢

“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves”.

Thoreau wrote those words. In the past few years I realized just how much his writings resonate with me. When we read author’s thoughts, whether in a book, a poem or music lyrics, it is somehow calming or reassuring that others have felt what we are going through as well. Those “Zen” moments of calm. We are not alone in our wonderings….is this all there is…where do I fit in all this…will it evvvver get better or easier…what do I do now…is it just too late to change anything….lost is how this feels to me…just lost… lost in the revolving spinning door to nowhere most days….but nowhere might be enough.

Thoreau’s words hit home. Lost…maybe now I can find myself. My life feels a lot like my rental right now. Piles of things everywhere I turn. T-shirts, wine glasses, doormats, jewelry, paintings, all the wrappings and tools to create it all. Yes complete chaos…with organization desperately needed.

It would be nice if I could organize my monkey mind that swings from thing to thing the way I can go in to create a semblance of order in my studio. Once creating hits a roll it’s hard to stop the ensuing avalanche. Ideas start coming faster than I can write them down and of course I feel the need to do all of them NOW! Thus piles in every room. Then starts the spinning door…walking from thing to thing with no clue where to start. The visual noise is deafening. Deafening, but somehow comforting, because that is how my creative process seems to function at its best…only a Piscean brain can understand this insane process.

Trying to keep my mind focused on my breath, while attempting to be still in morning meditation, I had the usual wandering off…then back to the breath…it occurred to me again that we have this moment…this moment only…focus on this one moment…this one breath…then the next. Find myself…find my purpose…today..maybe just today. Will I, or any of us really…ever find that fleeting feeling of here…here is where I belong and function at my utmost best. Right now I will breathe. Today I will stop and celebrate our country and it’s independence. I will go swim, well sit, with my daughter and granddaughter in her blow up pool. I will find myself today lost in my children for a few hours . Perhaps in focusing on just one moment…one hour or two…I will find myself there. Will I be found…whatever that means…likely not…but I will savor those sweet moments with that adorable 3 year old.

We don’t know how many breaths we have left on our journey of life…perhaps…just perhaps…it is in welding all this string of moments together …we find ourselves …one interconnected moment at a time. A general map of time is good but every second we breathe …we find ourselves …just in that moment…and it’s ok…that string of moments that is our life.

Happy Fourth of July sweet friends…maybe just find yourself for today…just today…whether alone or with friends and family …today breathe in life one minute at a time. Find yourself in that breath..in that precious moment of life…your life.❤️❤️❤️

Have you ever looked up into the skies and have your breath just taken away the beauty was so intense? As I sit in my pondering place by the water today I am struck by that kind of beauty! Blues so brilliant there are no adequate words to describe it.

Feeling overwhelmed, under appreciated and just generally lost the last few weeks…today’s skies refocus me for the little while I sit here.

It reminds me of the bowling ball my father had when I was a kid. Swirling blues and white. I remember thinking it looked like a large blue and white marble. Tonight’s sky is like a huge marble that keeps me fixated on it. It is a good type of lost…lost in a sea of cerulean beauty…Lost in the clouds floating around. So much beauty to glide up into without thought about anything else.

These moments of escape…from life’s responsibilities and chaos …from things that need my attention, whether real or imagined…just escaping into the blues to be and bask in the moment.

There are a few clouds along the horizon and the rest of the sky is eternal blue. It’s almost 7:00pm and the summer wonder of light is tangible. A breeze so soft and caressing. It’s as if the sky and breeze are hugging me. Summer and the sun sinking so much later is such a joy. A summer heart …yes it’s my summer heart that is reveling in this moment .

Life’s journey can be so overwhelming but taking a moment to get lost in the sky and clouds is nourishing to your soul. Take a moment today to breathe in contentment… even if just a moment..your soul will smile❤️❤️get lost in the blue……

Not being Buddhist one might find it odd that I have a tiny Buddha amidst my orchids. He sits in a Yin and Yang of black and white sand that I find somehow peaceful. I can move the sand around with a small rake…why that soothes me I don’t completely understand. Along with my tiny Buddha are several colorful gemstones. These stones supposedly have energies that apply to various feelings and vibrations. Whether or not any of that is true I do not know. What I do know is that I smile when I see them and their beauty when I hold them makes my heart happy.

My orchids on either side of this little zen garden are thriving. New air shoots and flower spikes are protruding from all of them. This sunny window overlooking the water seems to sit well with all of them as well as me.

The last few weeks seem harder than the norm. Jonathan’s birthday is always a difficult day remembering all the birthday parties when he was small. Sitting and trying to cope with my emotions…my heart strings…my soul pains…

Rising above it on these days just doesn’t work somehow and it’s ok. It’s ok to feel these feelings. Those of you have lost a child understand as nobody else possibly can. We can beat ourselves up for feeling sad or on these days just embrace it and let it be. Today it just is!

I will return to my breathtaking orchids’ beauty and my tiny Buddha for a little while. Beauty… there is healing in beauty.

Life’s journey is filled with beauty. On these days where hurt and pain fill our hearts there is beauty around us to observe and allow it’s healing to soak in. Look at that beauty today my friends and allow some healing for your weary soul ❤️

Sun dancing across the waves

Moon beams on the river at night

A small child’s eyes when smiling

Sunsets on the bay

Beautiful bows on Christmas packages

Warm sand on the beach

Our souls when they reach out to others

Tight comforting hugs

Dewdrops on the leaves in early morning

Flower petals after a spray mist of watering

Raindrops trickling down a window pane

Handwritten cards from friends

All these things glitter…some visual..some felt within us..some tangible (like the floor and your hands after wrapping gifts with glittery ribbon),,.

How all these things speak to our inner being,.our energy…our soul.

I just read a beautiful text about how we stitch up our torn hearts that we did not rip open…how we stitch up the torn souls of others when we reach out..our glittering soul stitches. It resonated with me on a very deep level.

As I begin a new business with a friend..our goal is to bring a calm and peace to all who we touch. Touch by listening and offering something of beauty to ease the chaos of living today. Mend a hurt…breathe a calmness..show a way to stop and see and hear the beauty that surrounds us.

Our glittering soul stitches….Namaste🌺 take a moment to breathe in the glitter that is all around you on your journey of life ❤️❤️

This morning I read from Brene Brown, that she is taking a summer sabbatical. What Buddhists refer to as, The Sacred Pause. It seems to be difficult for most of us. She was certainly feeling a bit of angst in so doing. How ever much needed to avoid complete burn out it is never easy to just…STOP…and breathe…trust the process..have faith. Tune out to refocus and simply BE.

That pausing is critical to our life force. As I’m sitting as close to my kitchen glass doors as I possibly can, to absorb the warm sun beaming through, I was reminded of the pausing. As if I would not stop…divine intervention has “paused” all my work for the last 6 weeks. Healing has been needed although it’s quite scary as well. Where will the funding for my rent and bills come from…how do I survive it…then this…this warm soaking sunshine reminded me…if God cares for the sparrow, how much more does he care for us. Am I still anxious…you bet! My humanness is alive and in overdrive. Stop…stop and smell these lovely lilacs I gathered from my daughters yard..stop…feel this sun on my face…stop..truly see this glitter of rays dancing on the water in front of me…stop…absorb the love I feel for those closest to me…today…today..I will BE.

I will continue to look for more work and throw myself into my new upcoming pursuits…but I will also take these moments to breathe, bask in todays sun and count the “pause ” as the sacred blessing to stop and reset. There are parts that need to be let go and parts that simply need the red reset button pushed.

Where exactly these new pursuits will take me is uncertain. One thing I do know for sure….I am held into a pausing zen like moment to observe the miracles unfolding before me.

Always looking like a praying mantis when I’ve tried yoga…it felt more stressful than calming…flexibility was not a gift I was given. I will quote the closing of all classes though…NAMASTE.. take a, “ Sacred Pause”, today whether a couple of minutes or hours….just BE and breathe deeply! Remember to enjoy life’s journey and hit reset. ❤️

7 years ago today I buried my sweet son. As I’m sitting watching a beautiful sunrise over the river I remember his love of the water…it calmed his turbulent heart. Water and music….remembering…

It’s difficult to adequately describe the gamut my emotions have run since losing Jonathan but suffices to say it has been many…

Reaching out to a mom who began this dark road 2 weeks ago I felt that tug of airless lungs I know she is feeling right now. There is something inherently wrong in burying your child. Definitely can’t define the hole that is felt. Time does not and cannot heal the hurt…the rawness ebbs at times…but cannot heal it.

All this said not to be morose or dark but to just feel what I am feeling. To also let parents in this place to know it’s ok to feel, truly feel, what you are going through. It is a journey of one…nobody else’s journey ..…just yours. Nothing selfish there at all just sitting and feeling some days.

Sit and remember those precious moments at times…not sad…not happy…just quiet remembering…they are close to us and always will be…

This journey of our life is our journey and the days we travel it alone can be calming if we just stop and be….nothing more….just be still and quietly remember…

Sending soul hugs to those parents who have lost a piece of their soul with losing their child…you are loved…❤️

One foot in front of the other….one foot in front of the other…one foot in front of the other… I’m tired of doing this…I don’t want to do this any more…

It feels like meditating and and trying to quiet that monkey mind…breathe in.. breathe out..breathe in (did I call that client back, is the zoom at 1:00 today…oh wait) breathe in…breathe out…focus..focus (was that birthday gift ordered…is there food for tonight’s dinner..ugh stop) breathe 1..breathe 2..in 1..out 2….I CANT do this right now!! Why can’t I DO this..too much in there to quiet..but that’s the point..stop! Will I evvver stop and be happy..stop waiting for this sadness to end…stop searching for SOMETHING..? For life to change and all the broken pieces to fall into place…

Ever felt like this trying to sit still and quiet the mind? It feels like a million pieces of glass from a million different places clanking around in there. I’ve written about our life mosaics and their beauty unfolding as each new episode of our story reveals itself. Those are events minute and enormous that define us and our journey. It is however the kaleidoscope of our minds that make up everyday living and feeling. All those hundreds of pieces of glass clanking and reshaping forming a different pattern with every turn. I think of the beautiful pieces of sea glass I’ve seen..coming from something totally broken then tossed and tossed in waves (waves of uncertainty?) to have the edges polished smooth from the constant pounding into a thing of beauty ..beauty we collect and prize.

This search, this unrelenting need, to find contentment, happiness and joy always leads to the same conclusion (and I have stacks of books I’ve read and or am reading..including 100’s of Utube hours on thoughts, vibrations, you name it) it’s myyyy choice what I choose to believe and think about life..my life. Man that monkey mind is off and running keeping me off center, off focus and off just off.

In 1…out 2…in 1…out 2

Keep turning that kaleidoscope and if you aren’t happy with that one just turn it again. Yes, focus is a tough one…but keep breathing in and out…keep turning that beautiful kaleidoscope of your mind..keep remembering it’s the journey of life that’s the treasure…aren’t all those broken pieces of glass beautiful?🥰

Continue reading “Changing Kaleidoscopes” →

Another year came and went….each appears to zip by even faster than the one prior. The passage of time and our perceptions of this journey of life and why we are here cross my mind much more frequently these days.

Perceptions…the ability to see, hear or become aware of something through the senses. Oxfords definition.

The way you think about or understand someone or something. Merriam-Webster definition.

Thoughts..how we think about something or someone…everything begins with our thoughts. Countless books are available about our thoughts..our mind..definitely not a new concept.

“As a man thinks..so is he.” Proverbs 23:7. King Solomon wrote those words sometime during his reign between 970-930 BC., he was noted to be the wisest man to ever live. James Allen’s book, “As A Man Thinketh”, based on that passage, was the first book I ever read to start my process of beginning to understand how our thoughts control every aspect of our lives. Learning to control our mind rather than it controlling us is not an easy task. Hardwired from childhood with, “shoulds”, “not good enough”, “you know better than that”, followed at times by, “what were you thinking?”. These childhood tapes run through our minds constantly and to change those ruts in our brain requires intense work. Sounds simple right? Think better…do better. Every self help book I have read (in the past decade far more than you can imagine) all go back to the work on our thoughts of who we are…what do we THINK about ourselves. Negative thoughts literally are killing us. Our perceptions of who we are and about our lives begins in those thoughts.

Change is possible…the brain can be rewired…our perceptions of the passing of time and what we do with it based on those thoughts is up to us.

Whatever beliefs or perceptions you have about yourself and your life…decide are they really true…hundreds of books are waiting to be read to jump start that journey…the passage of time…your life journey…be kind to yourself….it’s short…another year will zip past make it a great one. THINK about it❤️

I THINK I can sleep now that I have unloaded these THOUGHTS 😊 Love your journey!