It felt like my soul took a long deep breath. Those few minutes was all it took to stop, take it the beauty and allow my very core to connect to the power. Sun shining down on the breaking waves and the magnitude of the oceans power to calm my frazzled being. The pull of that water with the mist and salty air washing over me is not something I can even begin to explain….it is just magnetically magical.

Those precious few minutes, maybe a half hour, was all I had but they were not taken for granted. Pure unmitigated joy and serenity. Never ever miss those moments…no matter how brief… truly stop and look around you. Find the extraordinary in the ordinary. It may not be the ocean..it might be the sound of the running water into a warm bath..it’s there…all around us.

Let your soul bask in whatever warmth it finds today. Life’s journey is so brief so look for those small ordinary moments that surround you every day…don’t blink…you just might find a piece of paradise…🪷🪷🪷

Zac Brown summed it up in his song, Knee Deep.

“Knee deep in the water somewhere. Got the blue sky, breeze blowing wind through my hair, only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair. When you lose yourself…you just might find paradise.”

Recently I have been purging all the things that I no longer use. It’s somewhat freeing to only have those things around me that are necessary or bring a smile instead of the heaviness that too much stuff makes me feel.

For years I prepared Thanksgiving dinner for around 14. Thanksgiving was always such a happy time of family and sharing. My nutty son made me laugh hysterically on that day while I was cooking. Since he has been gone that spark has left me.

One of the things I have been purging is a lot of dishes. It is amazing how many dishes can be accumulated over the years. One such was a very large setting of gold stoneware. Alongside that stoneware of solid gold color was many dessert plates of various patterns to mix in. I listed them on fb market and had no luck in selling them. My daughters didn’t need them. This week I packed them into boxes and took them to Goodwill thinking someone who needed them might find some joy using them. Yesterday, a very be gruntled man there was taking things from the back of my car and didn’t see the other bag I had set down. Even though he had watched me set it there. He turned and stumbled a bit dropping the larger box. There laying on the ground were, not just my broken and shattered dishes, but years of sweet memories. Shattered glass the whole box broken. He began to yell at me for putting the bag behind him. He had no idea what those broken dishes meant to me. At first I was angry because, in his embarrassment, he lashed out at me. After several hours of reliving the episode it hit me…how very much, like that broken box and dishes on the ground, my life felt just like that….a stumble here or there… and shattered pieces. How quickly things we hold dear and think are so beautiful can crash to the floor in hundreds of broken pieces. Whether is was at our own hand or the hand of others…brokenness and heartache….hundreds of broken pieces that cannot be fixed.

This year I will spend the holiday alone. My younger daughter needs to spend the day with her husbands family and my older daughter lives just too far away to drive up for the one day. I am too tired right now to make a fast 1 day turnaround drive.

Stresses of life have left me feeling more lost than ever. This purging of things and what those things had meant to me has left me with some very melancholy moments.

Life’s journey, or at least mine, can leave us feeling melancholy at times. Like those broken dishes lying there on the ground in hundreds of pieces. He simply walked over and tossed it in the trash. I feel like I have been simply tossed in the trash right now. Unnecessary and abandoned. There are definitely things that need to be tossed in the trash along the way. There are things that cause us to stop and take pause to evaluate. Does this thing or this person add joy and meaning to our lives or is it just stuff sitting there gathering dust unused? Or worse causing such pain we cannot breathe. I certainly do not have the answers for this, or any of it, but I do know…there is joy in the happiness some memories bring.

As this month of remembering our blessings and having gratitude in our hearts progresses try to sort through the things that might need to be tossed and those to keep and hold dear. It’s not the “things” but the relationships with those around us that matter most.

Happy Thanksgiving dear friends. Find the joy in your journey of life this holiday season. It’s there. Sometimes it just needs to be remembered.❤️

In the book, “Flow”, it is defined as: the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.

While painting or deep in a full design for a client I have felt that overwhelming depth of fulfillment and deep joy in what I was doing. Those moments I felt badly for people who had jobs they hated and were doing things that sucked their life from them. In the last few years I have fallen too far into that trap with all the life being pulled from my soul. On rare moments that joy has arisen then has been squashed with harsh realities of betrayals and lost trust in people. To say it has been a struggle is a definite understatement. It still is.

I pulled out that book tonight. A reread is in order. I downloaded a 28 day yoga/Pilates app on my phone then sat with a long breathing guided meditation. Flow is here somewhere.

Life becomes a struggle far too often for so many of us. Healthier and wiser decisions need to be set in place. The merry go round in my head spins out of control when those struggles overwhelm me. Perhaps for a few minutes tonight I felt the beginnings of that “flow” that I have not felt in a very long time in my heart. A heart that needs healing from all the hurts and longings….all the rejections and loss of trust…all the overwhelming sadness. Yes, flow is here somewhere.

This journey of life should “flow “ for all of us, even in the midst of hurt and sadness. May we all take pause and think through what we can do to unblock that flow. What makes us feel alive and so immersed in what we are doing that nothing else matters at those moments. Those moments that the hurt and sadness takes a backseat and we can breathe if even for a few minutes.

Yes, flow is here somewhere…keep at it my friends..it is there …there for the sheer sake of doing it…now back to my book❤️

Looking back over the last decade or more of my life I keep wondering, as many do, where did I go wrong? What were the decisions along the way that led to today’s circumstances? What could I have done differently? Useless questions because it changes nothing. Perhaps, just perhaps, in ruminating over all those years there is a common thread there that could change my trajectory. Stop the mad spinning merry-go-round that seems to be my life.

Somehow in my life as far back as I can remember that restless spirit has always been there…always searching…but never seeming to find what my heart longs for….Acceptance and true meaning to feel whole, and in that, validated that I am good enough or worthy enough to really matter to anyone, but within that, needing to matter to myself. Therein lies the bigger picture …how do we, as the collective whole, realize we need to matter to ourselves most of all.

Being told as a child to think of yourself first was selfish and vain. Now we know that self care is essential to live to your fullest potential. With all that said trying to accept myself just as I am with all my shortcomings has to be a priority for survival. How to do that…well…a different story….a definite work in progress.

One thing I know without pause is, God loves me in spite of me. To that I will hold and cling to tightly. The radio head in my car has grown a mind of its own shutting down then opening back on very random stations. One particular morning recently it popped up on Joel Osteen (there’s a positive attitude if ever there was one) and he was speaking on “Loving Yourself”. Coincidence, guessing not…. His words were definitely validating what in my head I know…but my emotional self struggles to maintain. Ohhh, that we all could take pause and truly grasp how significant we really are to one another. How very necessary each of us is to our families and friends.

In those moments, in this journey, when life makes zero sense…take a beat…breathe…remember the God who created the universe loves you and even though it may not feel like it, at the time, there are others that love and need you as well. Trying to practice that on a daily basis here…some days I get it….others …well…those days I eat an Oreo McFlurry. 🤦‍♀️ what can I say…life is short…eat the ice cream…and believe in YOU❤️❤️

As a small child I remember hearing the doves cooing, mostly on early summer evenings. With all the raucous chirping of the other birds I found their song somewhat haunting and sad. Their song always made me feel a bit disconcerted. It was as if they were in mourning. As night drew in at times the owl, somewhere in the distance, joined in the lament. Perhaps it was the day ending with the setting of the sun that made them feel sad. Thus are the ponderings of a small child.

Now that I am older and have endured some life traumas I find their songs calming. When I am searching for just a moment of respite from the chaos in my life I find myself listening for their subtle song,..that sweet perfect cooing. Just for that moment I can stop and breathe. Occasionally an owl joins the chorus. It still seems melancholy but now rather than sounding sad it soothes the achings of my heart. My sweet gentle doves that are singing their songs…songs that are present and in this moment…zen..calm…in this moment nothing else surfaces or matters…peaceful bliss…a few minutes to just be…

Life’s journey can be so exhausting at times. On gentle summer evenings…stop…listen…the doves are there singing to you to be still…calling to you to practice and follow their lead…to drown out the other incessant chirpings of life and “Just Be”.🪷🪷🪷

Sitting out here on the dock that calming feeling starts to take hold.

Negative ions from the moving water enter through breathing them in and penetrating our skin. When they hit the blood stream biochemically they produce serotonin. There it is…breathing in deeply by the water and letting the ions do their work.

Breathe in the calm …exhale the toxic thoughts and energies.

Beyond stressful days have left me exhausted with it all but out here I can breathe in a moment of peace. My zen place. Nothing in my chaotic world has changed for the better. In fact it has gotten worse. Back to that feeling of, “Why am I here again?” There are no answers at this point so another minute at a time…one step at a time…not even a day at a time … just the next deep breath.

Just hanging out here feeling the negative ions and letting them do their thing. One more minute. Saying my Namaste to the sun as it is setting.

Perhaps one day out here I will also feel joy once again. But for now one more breath…then the next..inhale…exhale.

This journey of life can throw some unexpected fast balls at us. Get by the water somewhere and breathe it in. My total wish for you my friends is finding and having that place of “zen” to simply breathe❤️🪷

Out on the docks I search for you in the sun’s last rays

On the sparking water

In the songs of the sweet doves

In the lapping of the water

On the wind as it rushes by

In the soft music I’m listening to that you loved

In the blue skies I see your sweet eyes smiling

Memories of you as a small boy running to me

Of the teenager and man you became

Bittersweet images surfacing and passing in the breeze

I feel you here sitting beside me

Thank you for making me a mother and the man you became

I miss you on this Mother’s Day

Thank you for being here with me❤️

As I get home from work nearing 7:00pm, it is so nice to have sunlight longer especially on these mostly warm days. It’s been a bit too long since I’ve been able to get to my dock sanctuary to breathe.

The transition to learning to be alone with myself has been made much easier having the “dock time”. Winter months are quite a bit more difficult to navigate. Early May here in Maryland has big shifts in temperatures. Today is exceptionally warm and beautiful. I sped home to get to the dock while the sun was still out.

Isolating out the cooing doves, along with the lapping water sounds is so soothing. Complete chaos is my life at the present time…but out here all is right with the world.

Our little company, Beach-Zen, has been so rewarding to see begin to flourish. It’s “Zen” feeling is great to be able to share some calmness with those in need of a respite from today’s continuous bombardment of bad news everywhere. I wish everyone a place like this to escape to…to stop and breathe for a few moments. To remember there ARE places we can just listen to birds and be. Life’s journey is about now, right now, in this place to find a spot…a breath…just an isolated moment…breathe…

Look up at the skies …feel the sun on your face…this moment is fleeting… I wish you calm as you find your place of “Zen” to be.❤️❤️❤️🪷🪷🪷

We have all heard the old saying, “we just aren’t on the same page”, or, “ time to write a new chapter in your life”.

There are many life lessons to be learned in each of those phases. Sometimes the lessons are joyful and rewarding and other times they leave us devastated and beyond a grief we cannot fathom ever recovering from.

Pages are somewhat easily turned. Those moments when there’s just something that isn’t quite right for us and we realize it’s time to move to the next page. At times I’ve dog eared those pages, so to speak, thinking maybe just maybe I’d come back to them. A do over of sorts. That never really comes about and we just go back to reading and often rereading the pages before we start to write again.

Chapters are a bit more soul searching. Our grade school years are some of those. Fortunately I was blessed living in a small southern town and allowed the opportunity to go from first grade through senior year with most of the same kids. Friendship bonds that are tight and strong. Though not seeing them often I know they are there. I can pick up my phone and speak with them as if we never missed a day apart. Even so, as senior year ended the next chapter began. Some bad life choices caused many new chapters to be written and ended over the course of the next 3 decades. Failed marriages, the birth of 3 children and tragically the loss of my oldest child. That loss is a chapter that was brutally closed without choice. I’d like to believe I learned many lessons from those chapters of my life…perhaps I learned more than I realize…I don’t feel particularly more wise or astute in my thinking or decision processes.

Books are the toughest of all to continue writing and reading then rereading…perhaps we missed something along the way…I’m quite sure I have. There are places I adamantly need to close the book. Those things that are so draining and completely exhausting that just need to end. Yet I linger hoping against hope that things will change for the better. That person, that job, that relationship and the repeated habits…they need to change and only we can change ourselves in each of them.

So before our final life book is closed on this plain it is worth pondering as to which lesson we may be in the midst of…a page, a chapter or a book.. what are we meant to learn from each of them. Some days the little things feel so overwhelming til the giant things come along blowing us out of the water ..we never saw them coming… Those epic, “War and Peace”, size books. Those books that teach us lessons we didn’t want to learn. Strength we didn’t understand that we had…that exhausting strength we never wanted to have. Yet, we learn and keep moving ….one second, one minute, one day… just pages of a day in the life…our life.

Wherever you find yourself today sweet friend know you are not alone in your life lessons…turn the page, write the next chapter. Live it to the fullest and when necessary close the book and move on.

This journey called life, our life, IS one epic journey…keep writing and reading. Do rewrites when needed. Above all, live every one to the fullest before the big book is closed. NO regrets! ❤️❤️❤️

Have you ever felt just so frustrated with everything in your life?….people….lack of work…anxiety that seems to always be lurking…where to turn..what to let go….a mind that is absolutely relentless ???? And on it goes….

Key to all of these frustrations is where does it all stem from? Perhaps a lack of faith …in God…in the universe…in friends…most importantly though in ourselves. Faith that we can actually pull through to get to a calmer more accepting kinder view of ourselves and our world…not the planet but our small microcosm where we reside …sometimes strictly in our heads.

Listening to a meditation site this morning it was about decluttering our spaces and more importantly our view of ourselves…letting go of stuff that no longer serves us…material things but more so mentally. Does this serve me with what I want in my life? Yikes, that was not what I wanted to hear….I’d have to actually look at difficult things I’d really rather not address.

Do I have the faith in myself to actually let go of the things that really no longer benefit my life in a positive way…to step back and take a very deep look within and let it all go…material things…mental blocks…people that I allow to take away my joy…fears that I can’t do this …way too scary thoughts!

Yes faith in myself to truly let go of sadness and anything that sucks the wind out of my sails. To take a hard core look at the closet in my head and weed it down to a smaller more manageable place where I can live and love more simply….without constant angst….alllll thatttt cluttter!

There still is no clear cut answer here but to simply start the process of decluttering…first in my mind…then who knows maybe my actual closet🤔

In all things to have faith in what is really important and let go of the things that are not adding to but draining my life source. The fact that this has surfaced repeatedly says it deserves a deeper look….

It’s a start and that is all I can ask of myself today..just start. This journey of life is difficult a lot of days but find joy SOMEWHERE every day and the frustrations seem a bit less daunting.❤️

Maybe even start in the closet…or maybe not 😊