Sitting here watching the colors of the sky and water change every minute in this beautiful sunrise my heart is so heavy. The verse “weeping may last for a night…but joy comes in the morning “, flashes through my weary mind. Joy. I need that. This has been my soul… my soul…my being the last few days….and I hear these words…
Hard sucker punch out of nowhere…I Am here
While bowed over trying to breathe from the hit..kicked in the teeth…I Am here
Lying on the ground and bleeding, a step on my throat with my heart ripped out and thrown back at me…I Am here
How is the heart still actually beating…while I cry myself to sleep every night…I Am here
Life! Fighting for the very air to breathe in some days…I Am here
Joy…where are you ..have you ever really existed..I Am here
Emotions. Just turn them off they say…How do I do that and stop caring…I Am here
And so I stop and see and hear the great I AM!
Birds are singing their morning hallelujahs to the coming day…the sweet doves sing their solos…the purples, oranges, pinks and reds streak the sky and water…I Am here…
Stop, listen and really hear…I Am!
My job is on the line. A big chance my cancer may be back. My heart is broken. I can’t seem to find oxygen right now. Aging which I was unceremoniously reminded of this week. I desperately need to be hugged and held while I cry. Yes, life…I Am here
Where is the joy…hear the birds singing. Watch My majestic sunrise over the water . Calm your soul. I AM here and I hold you while you cry. I bottle all your tears.
Life is a fight and the verse comes to mind, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy ladened and I will give you rest Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
Nothing is resolved right now. I will always be emotion with skin on it..part of my being. Emotions that are hard to handle but that is what also gives my heart the abounding compassion for all those around me..what causes my heart to cry at other’s pain..what causes me to weep at the beauty of the sunrises and sunsets…that allows me the vulnerability to cry out for help that also lets others know someone else feels these same hurts and but can’t share them for fear of being judged.
Life’s journey is hard but also has beauty. As I continue to seek answers and work through the pain of current issues I will also remember who ultimately is the one who loves and holds me while I cry… I AM here.❤️
Reflections on Life’s Journeys 