Harsh cold the last few weeks with some days of abysmal unending grays have not helped the emotional roller coaster I feel this time of year. As the 10th anniversary of losing Jonathan approaches so does the tightening of my airways. That constriction that feels as though I will never be able to take a deep breath again.
Tomorrow I start a new counselor that perhaps can aid with some new way to cope with loss. After 10 years it doesn’t feel much better. This overwhelming sadness that rips through at any given moment without warning still takes me to my knees. There always seems to be more questions with still no answers. Some days I truly wonder if my mind will ever stop spinning. Then I step back…and focus on the moments…those moments I will forever cherish..hugs, laughter, joy, being on the water, blue blue skies and sunsets..I can hear his voice and his laughter…I hold onto them for life.
For all of us who have lost our loves, our hearts, and sometimes feels like our very souls…take a journey through those life moments we shared with them and breathe it in. Close your eyes with your hands on your heart and feel those moments and know they want us to be happy again.
This journey of life has so many moments to hold onto. Beautiful moments and memories. We can’t let that pain keep us from experiencing new moments, creating new memories. Not that we will ever forget or diminish what was there with them but to continue to fully live in our present. To breathe again. To smile and laugh again without feeling guilty about it.
I wish for each of you, that have had such deep agonizing loss, a way to find your way back…if even a few moments…to seeing the beauty around you. It is there, even in the cold bleak of winter…spring is coming..it’s coming… deep breath..then one more…then one more❤️
Reflections on Life’s Journeys 