Validation

Looking back over the last decade or more of my life I keep wondering, as many do, where did I go wrong? What were the decisions along the way that led to today’s circumstances? What could I have done differently? Useless questions because it changes nothing. Perhaps, just perhaps, in ruminating over all those years there is a common thread there that could change my trajectory. Stop the mad spinning merry-go-round that seems to be my life.

Somehow in my life as far back as I can remember that restless spirit has always been there…always searching…but never seeming to find what my heart longs for….Acceptance and true meaning to feel whole, and in that, validated that I am good enough or worthy enough to really matter to anyone, but within that, needing to matter to myself. Therein lies the bigger picture …how do we, as the collective whole, realize we need to matter to ourselves most of all.

Being told as a child to think of yourself first was selfish and vain. Now we know that self care is essential to live to your fullest potential. With all that said trying to accept myself just as I am with all my shortcomings has to be a priority for survival. How to do that…well…a different story….a definite work in progress.

One thing I know without pause is, God loves me in spite of me. To that I will hold and cling to tightly. The radio head in my car has grown a mind of its own shutting down then opening back on very random stations. One particular morning recently it popped up on Joel Osteen (there’s a positive attitude if ever there was one) and he was speaking on “Loving Yourself”. Coincidence, guessing not…. His words were definitely validating what in my head I know…but my emotional self struggles to maintain. Ohhh, that we all could take pause and truly grasp how significant we really are to one another. How very necessary each of us is to our families and friends.

In those moments, in this journey, when life makes zero sense…take a beat…breathe…remember the God who created the universe loves you and even though it may not feel like it, at the time, there are others that love and need you as well. Trying to practice that on a daily basis here…some days I get it….others …well…those days I eat an Oreo McFlurry. 🤦‍♀️ what can I say…life is short…eat the ice cream…and believe in YOU❤️❤️