“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves”.
Thoreau wrote those words. In the past few years I realized just how much his writings resonate with me. When we read author’s thoughts, whether in a book, a poem or music lyrics, it is somehow calming or reassuring that others have felt what we are going through as well. Those “Zen” moments of calm. We are not alone in our wonderings….is this all there is…where do I fit in all this…will it evvvver get better or easier…what do I do now…is it just too late to change anything….lost is how this feels to me…just lost… lost in the revolving spinning door to nowhere most days….but nowhere might be enough.
Thoreau’s words hit home. Lost…maybe now I can find myself. My life feels a lot like my rental right now. Piles of things everywhere I turn. T-shirts, wine glasses, doormats, jewelry, paintings, all the wrappings and tools to create it all. Yes complete chaos…with organization desperately needed.
It would be nice if I could organize my monkey mind that swings from thing to thing the way I can go in to create a semblance of order in my studio. Once creating hits a roll it’s hard to stop the ensuing avalanche. Ideas start coming faster than I can write them down and of course I feel the need to do all of them NOW! Thus piles in every room. Then starts the spinning door…walking from thing to thing with no clue where to start. The visual noise is deafening. Deafening, but somehow comforting, because that is how my creative process seems to function at its best…only a Piscean brain can understand this insane process.
Trying to keep my mind focused on my breath, while attempting to be still in morning meditation, I had the usual wandering off…then back to the breath…it occurred to me again that we have this moment…this moment only…focus on this one moment…this one breath…then the next. Find myself…find my purpose…today..maybe just today. Will I, or any of us really…ever find that fleeting feeling of here…here is where I belong and function at my utmost best. Right now I will breathe. Today I will stop and celebrate our country and it’s independence. I will go swim, well sit, with my daughter and granddaughter in her blow up pool. I will find myself today lost in my children for a few hours . Perhaps in focusing on just one moment…one hour or two…I will find myself there. Will I be found…whatever that means…likely not…but I will savor those sweet moments with that adorable 3 year old.
We don’t know how many breaths we have left on our journey of life…perhaps…just perhaps…it is in welding all this string of moments together …we find ourselves …one interconnected moment at a time. A general map of time is good but every second we breathe …we find ourselves …just in that moment…and it’s ok…that string of moments that is our life.
Happy Fourth of July sweet friends…maybe just find yourself for today…just today…whether alone or with friends and family …today breathe in life one minute at a time. Find yourself in that breath..in that precious moment of life…your life.❤️❤️❤️
Reflections on Life’s Journeys 