Finding Light….

There are days that it’s difficult to behave in ways that society deems appropriate. When our souls are aching with grief from loss trying to get to any light is beyond possible.

My dear friend has lost her sweet father and her pain is tangible. How my heart hurts for her. Anger is the stage of grief I see in her presently. She apologized for being angry…my response was to share with her what I have felt for almost 6 years now. In the darkness of our souls pain it’s difficult to find light some days. It is so very difficult on those days when nothing makes sense, in our excruciating ache of losing someone so dear to us, to find even a glimmer of light anywhere. In our times of anger there are moments that we don’t even want to see light…just feel angry and stay with it til it passes. Learning to stop and sit in that anger for a bit has been a challenge for me for sure. When we have been taught our entire life that it’s not good to be angry makes the acceptance of that emotion hard to reconcile in our mind. As I have written before …about just staying with it, feeling it and not judging….just feeling and letting it be there…just observing the anger or whatever emotion is there…then letting it go. I’ll admit there are days I cannot let it go. The waves of agonizing grief on those days takes me under and I succumb to the abyss of darkness in those moments…then it passes..til the next wave rolls in..and they always will roll back in. Some months the waves are farther apart than others but the waves will always roll back in. Learning to ride them without going under is the challenge.

Learning to accept that grief does not ever go away and to recognize that fact can be daunting. In time you learn to just accept that as a new part of your life. I am still learning between the waves to find light, joy and whatever happiness I can find in anything. It’s a process…the process of life, death and ongoing grief.

Yes, society tells us anger and grief should be left behind closed doors. It cannot be stuffed down or hidden… mostly from ourselves. Sit with it and observe it without becoming it..this is part of our journey. Only we can determine when to feel and how we feel..there is no rule to follow..only our heart can determine what and when..nobody else❤️