Fear

High tide today came in with a heavy rain and very high winds. Watching the river rise and the neighbors dock be submerged I felt the familiar knot in my stomach and catch in my breathing. How is it I can love the water as I do and yet feel a menacing dread when I see it rising or becoming even somewhat turbulent?

I grew up in a small town in Arkansas, the mid south. The north end of town where I lived flooded a few blocks from my house when heavy rains caused 8-Mile Creek to overflow. When those waters rose it was not uncommon to see someone in a flat bottom boat maneuvering through the waters. Stark fear would grip me at those moments. While in high school one of those heavy spring rains brought flood waters around the school. Cars began to float out of the parking lot. Word was received that there was also a tornado headed in our direction. The National Guard was brought in to rescue all the students and faculty from the flooding buildings. Wet, cold, tired and scared I arrived home that afternoon and within a few days was hospitalized from dehydration and a possible bug I’d picked up in the flood waters. Truthfully it was quite possible it was from the traumatic impact that flood had on me.

Fast forward several years later and living in New Orleans, I faced that city’s rainy Springs with horrendous flooding. I waded chest deep water back to my apartment building one year. Months later I realized how dangerous that was with snakes and the ever present alligators. We lived on the edge of a wooded area and very wet swamp land. Overnight hospital stay again for the same reasons. When my first 2 children were small we watched water rise up to the top of our porch but thankfully not come into the house. Had I lived there during Katrina I’m not sure how I would have handled that terror. A truly resilient people live there.

Water nightmares have plagued me as long as I can remember. Thank heavens I didn’t know about tsunamis as a child. Not surprisingly cruises have never appealed to me. When living in Florida, I worked for a company and as part of my job one year had to be on a cruise to the Bahamas in a PR capacity. I ate Dramamine like M n Ms for the entire cruise. There was never a moment when I allowed myself to see anywhere but right in front of me. I imagined land behind me at all times. Maybe I slept an hour each night. A couple of comatose days followed that work trip but without hospitalization at least 🙄.

With all that said still my perfect day is out on a lake on a pontoon or sunup to sundown on a beach. There’s nothing quite as soothing as the sun on my face by the water….but quiet, calm waters, preferably at low tide with hospitalization not required. 😊🌊