The Art of Quietly Being

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Sitting in my art studio, with windows on 3 sides, I’m listening to the wind whistle and howl around and from across the river. There’s a 180 view of the water on this side of the house which allows a calmness to completely immerse in creative solitude. I love every single thing is this cozy room. The scent of oil paints and mediums, paint brushes, blank canvases and charcoals intermixed with floral supplies and scrapbooks. My paintings are hanging or leaning against the walls with sketches I’ve done. Scattered mementoes of days past..some wonderful to recall and some heartbreaking,…but all a very real part of my life. These nights I can pull back and just observe but not be caught up or pulled down by any of them..just aware….sitting with them…quietly being…

An inviting daybed resides in a corner with lots of pillows and a deep down comforter for the occasional guest or most often a lazy afternoon of snuggling in with a good book and a cup of tea. Or a late night glass of wine and being quiet, like tonight, just listening and being. This “art” of being alone with myself enjoying the smell of patchouli and sandalwood incense filtering across the room mixing with the oils is a new experience for me.

For the first time in my life I am completely alone. There was always a relationship or children still at home to fill any voids. One thing I have truly discovered in these alone months is that there was always a void that never seemed to be filled. That void was me. I never had a time to find or be who I was or am. It took deaths, cancer, a divorce followed by a pandemic to be finally quiet and still long enough to lean in and breathe for the first time in all my life. Quite unsettling I can tell you for absolute certain. Many nights crying myself to sleep wondering why I’m here and what’s the point….maybe that is the point..there isn’t one. Just perhaps being…quietly being…

Time to discover and create who I want to be…..and gently love what emerges from this space in which I find myself ….this beautiful art studio cocoon I have created ❤️❤️❤️that is housing this dark gooey cocoon I’m beginning to finally come out of with wings unfolding🦋🦋🦋…quietly and colorfully being….ready to fly! 😊

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Published by reflectionsonlifesjourneys

My profession is an Interior Designer and Artist. My passion is my family and friends of whom without…life would hold zero meaning! Growing up in a small southern town life was definitely sheltered from the outside world. As an adult I very quickly began to understand that life’s journey is complicated and not always pleasant. These are the ponderings of my heart since the loss of my sweet son, Jonathan. Sometimes deep and sometimes very dark they are from my soul’s depths to somehow let others know they are not alone in the dark nights of the soul. These are the reflections on my life’s journey. Prayerfully I hope they help any hurting heart.

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