There is a sadness that defies all reasoning or logic. It’s as if your soul has ceased to be. No matter how many times you tell yourself to just stop..to just be normal again…to breathe….it’s there. There looming up to grasp your throat and squeeze til what little life is left has vanished…vanished as if it never existed at all.
Not being quite sure if this dark grimacing emotion began before my sons death, but certainly at his death it magnified exponentially or if it was there lurking on the perimeter long before I lost him, I can only surmise that there may have always been an underlying sadness in me. My dad had a sadness that ran deep as well. Perhaps it’s a genetic tendency or just a wry twist of fate. Fate can be cumbersome and harsh.
As a society it is not a comfortable subject..sadness. It is a conversation best left behind closed doors and preferably the doors of a therapist. During the last year there were far too many times that I, this ever so strong woman, either sat in my car or stood at the end of my dock with pills in hand and contemplated ending my life. Now there’s an uncomfortable subject. Not only sad but suicidal. Pain and heartache can become so intensely intolerable that there is just no where for it to go. When younger I always believed suicide to be such a selfish act. Now I’ve come to realize that the person has just reached the saturation limit with sadness and can literally not hold another minute ounce anywhere within them.
Sadness needs to be put right out there in the open and dealt with. Above all reach out to anyone that is sad. Don’t ignore it or for God’s sake the person. Belittling or speaking down to someone in the throes of grief and sadness could just push them over the edge. Preaching to or at them will further harm them. Love and support them. There are moments when even the tiniest gesture of care can save their life.
Loss and grief from loss, of any kind, can be debilitating. Just because a person appears strong and together does not mean they are.
Reflections on Life’s Journeys 