Dreamworlds….

There you were big as life….hugging me so tightly and not letting go I couldn’t breathe! Then I woke up…and just as quickly could not breathe again! You were still gone……

I have read that it is really them visiting us in our dreams. Whether true or me just needing so desperately to see and feel him that it manifests him in my dream world. Whatever it is the feeling of his arms and tightness of his hug was tangible and real at that moment. I can still feel the warmth of his breath on my neck while he was squeezing me. Harsh reality then leaves such a deep aching emptiness.

There is an emptiness that words can’t adequately define. It’s as if there is no bone structure to support my frame. The skin that is left weighs 500 lbs and is pulling me to the ground. Just bowed over in anguishing grief.

I know I’m supposed to move on…let him go…count my blessings…remember the good times… be thankful I had him the 37 years he was here…but you know only a mother who has buried her child has the right to say those things to me!! Anyone else, well meaning as you are trying to be, you quite frankly cannot begin to understand….. and I pray you never do…this loss is one you simply cannot grasp.

So still I want every single night to retreat into that comforting dreamworld where he still exists and talks to me and hugs me with that sweet hug of my child💔