Searching……

So strange how alone you can feel even in the midst of a large noisy crowd of people.

It was in that midst of that noise I began to observe the people ..some I knew ..but most I did not. The faces..the body language …the vacuum so apparent in most of them. Perhaps just a reflection of my own visage. So much searching to belong to some one or some thing outside of ourselves. A connection to some thing greater than what we perceive ourselves to be ….appeared to be the goal anyway…..

A sadness swept over me as I stood there watching…observing …how lonely so many of us truly are. Always searching….. a spark to ignite a few hours of laughter or perhaps more for those unafraid to venture farther. A deeper connection with those you already know for a while longer….a while longer…

Seeing some numbers exchanged I smiled and thought of the slips with numbers I had thrown away in the past ..a few even that night. Numbers to connect later but shallow attempts at finding anyone to make them feel wanted or that they matter to anyone. Attempts that would just add to the feelings of loneliness later on

I’ve sat at bars waiting for friends to end their work shifts and watched those on their phones…rather than interacting with people it appears much easier to just get lost in social media and mistake that for being connected to others .,.to reality. Rather than strike up a conversation with those around us it’s just safer to stay embedded in the lost world of our phones. That proverbial never never land where nothing is required of us..,where we can stand outside and listen but nobody knows we are there. Throw out a “like” that says yes we connect with you and possibly affirm you without risk of vulnerability to ourselves. …Make an actual comment if we are a bit more drawn in but still without risk of really exposing ourselves. Or worse we turn off the identifying “dot” that lets anyone know we are searching…to truly just watch and listen in the shadows …

Are we so afraid of committing to anyone or anything that our unknowing isolation of ourselves has deceived us into believing that this is enough? Has our fear of rejection become so paralyzing that we hide behind a “thumbs up” to wait and see if there’s a reaction from anyone as to whether we say more? To know anyone might actually care what we have to say?

I’m not certain but it would seem that to be among the living would be better than the isolation of the artificial world of media where we can hide fearlessly.

We are all searching… to connect …to know we matter…to know we have purpose..to love and be loved…for human touch

It’s ok to search but life is not just about the search. It’s about the living in it…all the messy messy living in it..chest deep in it..my aching runs deep and dark and it’s messy but I choose to FEEL it and keep pushing….

Risk

Be vulnerable

Be fearless

Regrets? Let it be for a mistake that you learned from…Don’t let it be a regret for not ever trying….

This journey of life is short…LIVE it!!!!❤️❤️❤️