Just Stop

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What is it about our hearts that just keep beating when we have given up? It would be so much easier if it just stopped! Just…stopped….beating!!!

Stopped the pain

Stopped the anguish

Stopped the feelings of not being good enough and that crushing abyss of darkness in loss

The emptiness of loss

The harsh isolation in abandonment

Please just STOP…..just stop…

the wondering if I EVER mattered

DID I ever matter?

Was ANY of it ever real? Or just MY illusion of love…..that fleeting butterfly I chase so ardently

Lost

Broken

Stop chasing fairytales

So much easier to just stop caring…no not easier, far from easier

Trusting too deeply

Childish naivety

Stop believing words..,empty meaningless words

So foolish

Stop the foolishness…stop trusting

Wanting desperately to know it was real…not my false delusional reality

But if it was real then it would have lasted …wouldn’t it?….wouldn’t it????

The pain is excruciating and that is oh SO real

So relentless it becomes paralyzing

Ahhh but a frozen heart cannot beat; therefore can no longer feel……no delusions…no reality…just icy numbness

Just bitter Arctic ice….cold and numb

Please….please……….

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Published by reflectionsonlifesjourneys

My profession is an Interior Designer and Artist. My passion is my family and friends of whom without…life would hold zero meaning! Growing up in a small southern town life was definitely sheltered from the outside world. As an adult I very quickly began to understand that life’s journey is complicated and not always pleasant. These are the ponderings of my heart since the loss of my sweet son, Jonathan. Sometimes deep and sometimes very dark they are from my soul’s depths to somehow let others know they are not alone in the dark nights of the soul. These are the reflections on my life’s journey. Prayerfully I hope they help any hurting heart.

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